twist of fate

my boy Josh once told me that its usually around the 5 or 6 month mark that you begin to get homesick. struck me the other night...

i was sitting in a cafe, eating dinner solo, watching people, and it hit hard. jotted these notes down..

¨...the ones i envy now are not the free spirited city dwellers, but the ones who live in the world i came from. its the respective looking ones with v-neck sweaters, jeans and leather jackets, dress shoes, walking with their girlfriends in their arms to theatres and restaraunts.

the ones who wear whatever the popular fashion magazines tell them to. the ones with jobs, who dont get stopped by the police, and for whom alcohol and drug use is only a weekend pastime. those who follow the politics and daily news that i now ignore.

..the productive members of society, so caught in the rhythm of daily habits which last year made me nauseous. i miss those things now. waking up early to screaming alarm clocks, taking the bus, drinking coffee, complaining about work, earning degrees, cooking dinner...¨

its as though in some twist of fate i couldnt understand i was coming to envy them. was being led right back to where i started.



my story now is no different than that of a child who runs away from home for a day, only to find that its cold outside, and that the feeling of freedom soon fades into one of nostalgia for the comforts that once prevented it.

so what does the child do? he feels silly for a while, drags his feet in thought of why he ran in the first place, enjoys the views in his neighborhood he never noticed before, and eventually makes his way home...which he´ll see with a new sense of appreciation. yep. hopefully.